Body Positive Summer Step 2: Stop Comparing. Start Contrasting.


_What you focus on grows. What you think about expands._How much time do you spend thinking about what’s wrong with your body, how it could look “better” or how it doesn’t look like that other person’s body? How often do you compare your body to the bodies of  friends, celebrities or strangers?

The more time you spend looking for what is imperfect or “wrong” with your body, the more likely you will be to find answers that justify the question. It’s kind of like someone searching  for Bigfoot. If you invest a lot of time reading about Bigfoot and watching Bigfoot documentaries, when you head into the forest looking for Bigfoot then every rustle of leaves, flash of furry wildlife or unidentifiable footprint becomes a possible Bigfoot sighting in your mind.  Likewise, if you head into each day comparing your body to an established “ideal” than the list of things you are unsatisfied with will grow and all the evidence will point to your body not being good enough.

Stop comparing. Start contrasting.
Alternatively, set the intention to spend more time thinking about the unique qualities, characteristics and skills that you possess.  In doing so, you will be more likely to take note of the things that set you apart in a positive way.  Part of doing this requires you start with #bodypositivesummer Step 1 to identify and remove external influences that promote  harmful body comparisons.

Then, remind yourself and others that what makes you beautiful is your individuality. Maybe you’re a science whiz or have striking green eyes. Perhaps you’re great with kids or have an artistic flare? Whatever it is, take time each day to honor what you like about your body as well as your overall strengths and personal interests or passions. If you are someone who has struggled with an eating disorder or negative body image for a long time, it might feel like food/diets and weight obsession are your passion. If that’s the case, this summer would be a great time to challenge your norm by exploring new interests and shifting focus.

Have great balance? Sign up for a surfing lesson.
Feel connected to nature?  Join a hiking group.
Skilled writer? Start a science blog.
Have extra time and love? Adopt or foster a new pet.
Got a green thumb? Start a neighborhood herb garden.
Math superstar?  Volunteer to tutor kids over the summer.

Re-read all of your favorite books. Organize a beach volleyball game. Learn to knit. The #bodypositivesummer_TOPICSpossibilities and topics are endless really.

If you feel like you don’t know what your interests are, the key is trying lots of different activities until you find one that sparks your enthusiasm. Good topics and activities are ones that help distance you from eating disorder thoughts, distract you from body comparisons and create a space in which you can be grateful for the body you have right now.

If someone asked you what you WANT to spend your summer thinking about, you probably wouldn’t say “all the things I dislike about my body”, right?  So ask yourself this very question. Imagine your brain is a container and you can choose to fill it with whatever you want over the coming months. Tell us your answers on Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #bodypositivesummer.

Not on social media? Email your responses directly to kclemmer@sheppardpratt.org and they’ll be compiled to help inspire others.


Find more about the #bodypositivesummer series in the following posts:

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Ringing in the New Year without your old Cognitive Distortions

Don't believe everything you think

As the winter holidays pass by and our thoughts turn to the New Year, it can be an exciting time to reflect on 2012 or to make a fresh start in areas of life that could use some extra attention ~ friends, family, self-care, school or work?  Unfortunately, the changing of the calendar year (and the co-occurring mass marketing of new year’s resolutions) can also stimulate increased cognitive distortions. We’ve addressed cognitive distortions on our blog before and defined them as a pattern of thinking or “self-talk” that consistently shifts life events into a negative framework. 

There are different types of cognitive distortions including “all-or-nothing” thoughts that force experiences, relationships and feelings into categorical extremes of all good or all bad.  There’s also “filtering” in which a person’s thoughts magnify negative aspects of a situation while simultaneously ignoring important positive information.  Many people deal with cognitive distortions occasionally but some people, including those with eating disorders, depression or anxiety, may struggle with more frequent or more intense negative thoughts.  The danger lies not with the distorted thought in and of itself but in one’s tendency to believe that the thought is 100% true when it most likely is not. 

Holiday advertisements and New Year’s promotions tend to add fuel to the cognitive distortion fire, strengthening one’s beliefe that false and negative thoughts are actually reality.  Three types of distortions stand out in the holiday media frenzy… 

Shoulds, Shouldn’ts & Have-Tos: Based on Christmas catalogs and holiday specials, the list of holiday “have-tos” is endless – I have to decorate my house like Martha Stewart, I have to find the perfect gift for everyone on my list, I have to fit into that dress I bought three years ago.  The arrival of New Year’s Eve often brings with it even more pressure: I shouldn’t eat that dessert, I should go to every family gathering t          

"The reson we struggle with insecurity is because..."Jumping-to-Conclusions & Comparisons: Assuming you know exactly how other people are thinking and feeling or creating assumptions about someone else’s life from limited observations can make it difficult to focus on yourself in any positive way.  Have you ever received a pristine holiday card in the mail only to fantasize about that person’s supposedly perfect life while putting yourself down for not measuring up? Just because he/she is in one picture with a spouse and three children in matching holiday outfits doesn’t mean they necessarily have a blissful marriage, are happy at their jobs, or that they have never struggled with health, mental health or addiction problems.  It’s important not to compare yourself to a one-second snapshot of someone else’s life.     

Magical Thinking:  New Year’s weight-loss resolutions are the ultimate cognitive distortions when it comes to magical thinking. Pick up any magazine, listen to any commercial and peruse any social network to find businesses, entire industries, or even family and friends touting the message that weight loss = happiness and fulfillment.  This is usually financially motivated.  Remember that the weight loss industry (and many others) zero in on the things people are looking for most out of life and repeatedly pair them with weight loss when marketing their products. They know that people will pay money if they think there’s a magical road to happiness, friends, confidence  and success.  If you find yourself thinking that fitting into a particular size or changing your body in some way will “fix” everything that you think is wrong in your life or change who you are, take a step back.  Not only does the research show that chronic dieters are more likely to be depressed but dieting itself has been linked to weight gain and increased risk for disordered eating behaviors.  

This year, if you’re tempted to make a New Year’s Resolution, you may want to assess your options.  First make sure your goals are not the result of “shoulds” or “have-tos” generated by external sources like the media or even family and friends.  Then, consider starting off your resolutions with something more focused on creating positive moments in your life during 2013.  Here’s a couple possibilities: 

  • “This year I think I would find fulfillment in…”
  • “This year, I would really enjoy…”.  
  • “I’ve been wanting to spend more time with…”

Finally, turn off the TV and put away your fashion magazines or anything else that tempts you to compare yourself to other people or seek happiness through the shape or size of your body.  This year, allow your focus to be on building yourself up emotionally, putting a stop to the cognitive distortions, and establishing self-acceptance in the present moment, in the present body.

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If you’re interested in moving towards mindfulness and learning more about self-acceptance, please save-the-date for our 2013 National Eating Disorder Awareness Week events, including a keynote address by Emme, global advocate for positive body image.  Find out more here.

photos via Pinterest.com