The Center for Eating Disorders Blog

“You Are Good Enough – Just As You Are” A Featured #NEDAwareness Week Guest Post by Dianne Bondy

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How much good could we do in this world if our focus was on feeling good and sharing that feeling with the world around us – and what if we dedicated our whole life to serving others, to being present, and to loving ourselves? All of these things are possible, and they are not nearly as far from our reach as it would sometimes seem.

DianneBondyPose

A Guest Post by Dianne Bondy

It all begins with learning to recognize that already, right in this very moment: you are good enough. Once we learn to recognize this inherent truth, we can then begin to internalize that message by coming to accept that we are indeed good enough, that we have enough, and that our true inner nature is one of abundance and positivity. Coming to this realization allows us to recognize that we are naturally abundant in love, joy and happiness. Knowing this then gives us the power to unconditionally share our positive qualities with others and our world at large.

It has taken me over 25 years to learn and live this message for myself, and while I know this message to be true deep within myself, I still struggle with accepting it and living it every single day. But I am determined to change the negative language and the negative thoughts that creep their way into my life, and I challenge you to do the same.

Sadly, our culture teaches us from a very early age that we are simply not good enough just as we are. And while our culture may have taught us this message, and our culture may try desperately to perpetuate and reinforce this message, we are ultimately granted a choice as to whether or not we will agree to follow along.

For most of my life, I have been a victim of my own self-hate and poor body image. Living in a culture where you are different when everyone else is the same, a culture that values your skin colour more than the contents of your heart, is a painful challenge to overcome. It is really hard to love yourself when people are automatically judging you, categorizing you, and putting limitations on you – without even having the pleasure of getting to know you first.

I grew up in a small town in Canada where I was the only black girl in a sea of white faces. I felt so alone and I desperately wanted to have a friend that looked like me. It was hard enough facing messages of exclusion and unworthiness from external forces, but it was especially difficult and debilitating trying to deal with these messages from within my own family. My family tried to assimilate and fit in as best we could, but the fact that we were different made my life a challenge. I was teased and tortured by kids at school. To make matters worse, my own family also put a premium on how I looked, rather than who I was on the inside. No matter what I did, I still received the message that I wasn’t good enough.

DianneBondyBridgeI took all of these messages – from the school yard to my living room – and I decided the only thing to do was look as perfect as I possibly good. I thought if only I could just be thin, I would be beautiful. I believed that if I were beautiful, people would accept me: other kids would stop picking on me, my father would stop torturing me for being bigger, and my world would be perfect, I would be at ease, and the struggles would end.So I set out to achieve perfection, and I worked diligently as I chased my new goal.

Being a very focused and driven person by nature, I’m an unstoppable force when I put my mind to something. I worked hard at obsessing and torturing my body; it was a dangerous obsession – but no matter how hard I worked, my life didn’t change, the struggles didn’t end, and people didn’t appear to be any more accepting than before. Not only did my same struggles still remain, but I was also failing school and my friends and family started to worry about my survival.

Why was I doing this and why couldn’t I stop? It was because at the core of my being I was traumatized, and until I dealt with that trauma and its root causes, this pain and hatred was not going away. I struggled with my treatments, disordered eating and poor body image for a long time, but once I surrendered to accepting help and community, there was hope, and over the years, I started to realize that a shift in my perspective was the fundamental key in getting to the other side of my daily struggles.

As life went on, I fell in love and got married. Eventually, my husband and I made the choice to start a family. I wanted to be a mother, and create a family with my husband, and I knew that the only way to do this was to return to something that made me feel whole again. I identified this as a need for a spiritual practice – a practice that would bridge the gap between my body, my mind, and my spirit. This search lead me back to my yoga practice – a practice I had abandoned for years in favor of more extreme forms of physical fitness. Ultimately, returning back to my yoga practice was the beginning of making peace with who I was and what I looked like. I started with breathing and meditation practices, and slowly I began to focus more on the philosophy of yoga. The breath, the philosophy, and the physical practice, were connected to my soul and my higher Self in a way I had never experienced before.

I began to feel included, seen, and divine. I began to see my body as a beautiful and vital container for my soul. My yoga practice taught me that I am part of a bigger, more expansive divine energy that far exceeded the limited perceptions of self that had been dealt to me by society, my family, and messages from outside myself. I discovered that I was both worthy and beautiful. I realized, for the first time in all my life that I was enough – just as I was, and that realization saved me.

Dianne-Bondy warriorRadiating with a new self-love and a realization of my natural abundance, I started to surround myself with friends and a community that uplifted and supported me. I found a way to reinforce my new positive self-talk, and I worked hard every day to breakthrough my old, destructive thought patters. This fundamental shift in my self-perspective, and the internalizing of the message that I am enough -just as I am, is something I work hard at reinforcing every single day. Naturally, I still struggle with disappointment and self-doubt, and every now and again the messages of the world try to penetrate my consciousness. When this happens, I move deeper into my spiritual practices and I connect with my positive, healthy, and vibrant community. Without fail, this always brings me back to my higher self.

My heart resides in my personal mantra, and I want to share this mantra with you. I ask you to say this to yourself: I am enough, I have enough, I have all the time in world, and I am doing nothing wrong. I am perfect as I am.

Nothing is more powerful than our own self-talk, and our own realization of who and what we truly are – not what people at school or work say, not what family members say, not what our society and media tells us – but what we say to ourselves. This means that you have a choice to either connect with what is already deep inside you, or let others lead you astray. If you take a look deep within yourself, I know that you will see how truly radiant and abundant you already are. So I encourage you to create your own mantra – that is, to create your own self-talk, your own powerful little phrase that will bring you deeper within yourself, and drown out the noise from the world outside.

I think Dr.Seuss is one of the most profound philosophers of our time, and so I leave you with one of my favourite quotes…

Today you are YOU
That is truer than true
There is no one alive who is Youer than You
~ Dr. Seuss

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Dianne Bondy is the creator and director of Yoga for All 200/500 Yoga Alliance Teacher Training Program  and founder and Managing Director of Yogasteya – a virtual online yoga studio that supports yoga for all cultures, shapes, sizes and abilities. On February 22, 2015 she will join other eating disorder recovery advocates in Baltimore for a special event called “Recovery in Real Life”during which she will facilitate a free yoga workshop focused on body acceptance.

You can read Dianne’s full bio here and watch a video invitation from her here.

Many thanks to Dianne for sharing her wisdom and insight with our readers! 

Photo credit: Erika Reid Photography

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