Archive for the 'Recovery' Category

Invisible Victory: An Athlete’s Story of Hope & Triumph in Eating Disorder Recovery ~ Q & A with Whitney Post

In observance of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2012, The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt in Baltimore is excited to offer a special community event to raise awareness about the serious nature of eating disorders, the importance of treatment and support, and to help shed some light on the surprising place where eating disorders often hide - on sports teams and among athletes.  On February 26th, former World Champion rower, Whitney Post, will be speaking about her own identity as an elite athlete and how she ultimately used it to her advantage while recovering from an eating disorder.  Today, Whitney is the President and Co-Founder of Eating for Life Alliance and spends much of her time educating college students, professionals, athletes and coaches about eating disorder prevention and treatment.   

In advance of her talk, we asked Whitney to comment on this important topic and provide our readers with a glimpse into her February 26th presentation entitled, Invisible Victory: An Athlete’s Story of Hope & Triumph in Eating Disorder Recovery. 

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Q & A with Whitney Ladd Post:

Why do you think it is important to address the intersection between sports and disordered eating? What are the benefits to creating awareness and spreading education about this particular topic?

WP: For starters, we live in a culture that is incredibly rewarding of the goal-oriented, driven, take-responsibility, and perfectionistic qualities of athletes.  In addition, the media sensationalizes athletic bodies, not just athletic performances. In athletes, the body can become an obsessive focus as well as a tool for athletic success. Many of the traits that make people successful and driven athletes, can also be easily misdirected towards disordered eating and an overly-critical body image. In one study of college female athletes, 88 % felt they were overweight or needed to lose weight. Another challenge is that some athletic cultures perpetuate the myth that weight loss improves performance, and athletes may be reluctant to acknowledge a problem or seek treatment. In short, it can be very easy for athletes to hide a serious and dangerous eating disorder because they often appear, from the outside, to be excelling at their sport and may look incredibly fit and healthy.

My goal is for everyone, athletes in particular,  to understand the physical and emotional consequences of eating disorders and disordered eating in the short and long term.  Weight loss in athletics can often be presented as the magical elixir, but if it compromises health it will ultimately compromise performance.  I want athletes to know that it is a highly treatable disorder with early and proper interventions, and I want to address their reluctance to seek treatment. In my experience an eating disorder never gets better if left untreated, only worse.

Research tells us that eating disorders are biologically-based illnesses but that a variety of other factors can also play a role in how and when the illness is expressed in different individuals.  Did being an athlete affect your struggle with the eating disorder?  What role did it play in your recovery?

WP: When people ask me if lightweight rowing gave me an eating disorder, I say absolutely not. I loved being on the water, I loved the sense of team, and I loved working hard to win. Yet, I also had an attraction to the grueling process of making weight for the sport, as part of my willingness to put my body through extremes for the sake of weight loss.  Lightweight rowing offered me a mechanism to play out my unhealthy relationship with food and my body.  My years as a lightweight further entrenched my eating disordered mentality.

Yet, there are many features of athletics that can be applied to recovery if the right goals are set.  The sense of team, commitment, step-by-step training toward a goal, and positive self-coaching as well as support and guidance from others can be applied to the treatment of an eating disorder.  Part of my message is that some of the same liabilities of competition and training can be redirected toward recovery.

Your blog about eating disorder recovery is called “Invisible Victory” – why do you refer to this victory as invisible?

WP: Great question.  For me, all my goals in my sports career involved getting noticed, recognized, and praised.  There was always a teammate or a coach or spectator to witness when my hard work resulted in success.  The situation was very different with my eating disorder recovery.  I had to be my own cheer leader, because so many of my victories were not even perceptible to anyone else.  Monitoring and changing my thoughts, behaviors, and reactions were crucial to creating a new relationship with food and my body.  I had to learn to both accept the invisible nature of my new quest, and celebrate the victories big and small with or without witnesses.

When you were struggling with an eating disorder, did you ever reach a point where you didn’t think recovery was possible?  If so, what helped you push past it and what message would you give to other individuals who may be feeling that way now?

WP: Recovery felt very much the way many of my lofty athletic goals felt.  At times I faced feeling totally devastated, discouraged, and depressed, but I never stopped working in the direction of my goal.  So of course there were many times when I wasn’t sure I would ever find my way out of my little prison in which I was both warden and prisoner, but I never stopped trying.

How has your definition of health changed throughout your life as you were struggling with an eating disorder and now, as an advocate for recovery?

WP: The biggest tangible change over the years has been that my self-worth and self-image are no longer tied to exercise. Exercise is still very important to me, but now I workout mainly for the health, mood, and social benefits (I love working out with a friend).   I believe the best way to advocate for health and recovery is to live it.  I continue to place a high priority on physical, spiritual and emotional health.  Without that, nothing else works very well.

It’s clear from your bio at Eating for Life Alliance (ELA) that you’ve accomplished a great number and variety of personal and professional goals.  What would you say you are most proud of today and why?

WP: I am so happy to be freed up from the narrow vision of the world that defines eating disorders.  Instead of all the daily struggles faced when I defined myself by my body, I am now free to channel my energies to so many things.  For me, recovery from my eating disorder was a gateway to an easier and more fulfilling life.  I have a wonderful marriage and a new family, great friendships, and the opportunity to work professionally on something I am passionate about.  Before recovery these things seemed to always belong to other people, not me.

What do you hope is the take-home message for those who attend your presentation on February 26th?  Who could benefit from attending?

WP: My message is one that can benefit anyone who has been affected by an eating disorder themselves or has had a loved one with an eating disorder.  It is also important information for any parent, professional, educator, coach or friend who will likely be in a position to help someone someday if they know what to look for and how to respond.

One practical message I plan to get across to athletes and those who work with them is this: although athletes have a unique set of factors that make them more susceptible to eating disorders, they also have impressive assets that can be enlisted in helping them recover.  Eating disorders are common in athletes, and I don’t want anyone to be isolated and without the help she or he needs.

I want to offer education and encouragement to everyone who attends and wants to know more about eating disorders as they pertain to exercise and athletics, as well as to anyone out there who is looking for more hope.

Download the event flyer (pdf)

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Many thanks to Whitney Post for taking the time to provide these responses and for having the courage to share her story so that so many others may know they are not alone. 

If you would like to hear more about Whitney’s story of recovery, please join us on Sunday, February 26th at 2:00 pm for our NEDAWeek kick-off event, Invisible Victory: An Athlete’s Story of Hope & Triumph in Eating Disorder Recovery.  All are welcome to attend this FREE event.  We strongly encourage athletes, coaches, athletic trainers and athletic directors from surrounding schools and colleges to attend,  as well as any individual who has been personally affected by an eating disorder, their parents, friends, educators, and health professionals.  Please download an event flyer for details.  Attendance is free but seats are limited so pre-registration is encouraged by emailing: RSVP@sheppardpratt.org. 

This is just one of several special events to be offered over the course of NEDAWeek.  Find out more on our Events Page. 

You can also request a mailing of event flyers or posters for your organization by emailing  kclemmer@sheppardpratt.org.  

 

Published by Kate Clemmer
January 30th, 2012 in At-Risk Populations, Athletes, CED Events, Guest Blogger, Males, NEDAWeek, Perfectionism, Q & A, Recovery
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Ringing in the New Year…in a new way

In our culture, holidays can get idealized through marketing, media messages and product promotions.  Thanksgiving has a reputation for being all about the food…it is, after all, a celebratory ”feast”.  Christmas (and Hanukkah to a lesser extent) often comes with pressure to engage in frenzied shopping and elaborate gift exchanges. And to round out the season, New Year’s Eve arrives with a cultural assumption that  everyone will be happily ringing in the new year with hefty resolutions for weight loss and a perpetually full glass of alcohol.

All of these holidays come with their own joys and challenges. The annual combination of drinking and diet pressures during NYE can be especially troublesome for individuals working on recovery considering the high rate of overlap between substance abuse and eating disorders: 

Approximately 50% of individuals with an eating disorder (ED) abuse or are dependent on alcohol or illicit substances compared with approximately 9% of the general population …

…Conversely, females who report alcohol problems and/or binge drinking were more likely to report recent ED symptoms …

  Source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2788663/

During the hard work of ED recovery, it can be very easy for individuals to fall into the trap of “symptom substitution”.  This occurs when someone is refraining from acting on their eating disorder symptoms but begins to engage in, or increases their reliance on, other unhealthy behaviors such as binge drinking, drug use or self-injury.  Individuals who struggle with an ED and alcoholism can encounter an especially slippery slope during holidays like NYE that promote and normalize heavy drinking.      

If you struggle with substance abuse and find yourself challenged by the idea of the alcohol-focused NYE celebration, or you’re worried about how it might affect your ED recovery, it’s a good idea to plan ahead and create a recovery-focused party plan.  Here are a few tips and ideas to get you started:

Explore your options.  If your friends are planning an evening of bar-hopping, drinking games or other events that are heavily dependent on alcohol, it might not be the best option for you this year.  Consider other outlets…do you have neighbors, co-workers, friends from your church or synagogue, siblings, cousins or other family members who will be getting together to celebrate?  Check in to see if they may have a more balanced celebration in mind and could be more supportive of your recovery efforts. You may need to look beyond your most immediate social network to find what you need.

You CAN have fun while in recovery from an eating disorder and substance abuse; don’t convince yourself otherwise. It can be tempting to assume that there are no options for an alcohol-free evening on New Year’s Eve, but resist the urge to isolate as an alternative.  Sitting at home by yourself watching the ball drop in Times Square might seem like the safe option now but could set you up for feelings of loneliness, depression and negative thoughts as you head into the new year.   Try, instead, to connect with at least one other person and plan something special like going to see a movie or a concert, or catch a comedy show. 

Identify a sober buddy. If you are looking forward to attending a NYE party and you know there will be alcohol there, find out if there is anyone else who will be abstaining from alcohol, and team up for support.  Don’t limit yourself to other people in recovery; consider your friend’s wife who is 6 months pregnant and not drinking, or your friend who is a nurse and has to leave the party to go straight to work at 2 am.  Create alliances to help safeguard your recovery.  At the very least, let your host or a good friend know in advance that you won’t be drinking so they can help alleviate any pressure to do so on the night of the event.

BYO.   Just because you are choosing to focus on recovery and may be abstaining from alcohol doesn’t mean you shouldn’t participate in the midnight toast. In fact, if you’ve been working hard on getting well and finding happiness outside of the eating disorder and/or alcoholism, you probably have a lot of reasons to celebrate the arrival of the New Year, and toast to the progress you’ve made thus far.  Pack your own bottle of sparkling cider and raise your glass in your own honor.

Fun alternatives. If recovery-focused plans fall through or just don’t seem to be coming together, consider some creative alternatives like offering to babysit your nieces and nephews or a bunch of the neighborhood kids.  Put your energy into creating a fun, kid-centric New Year’s Eve celebration for them that you can enjoy too.   Think silly string, noise makers, confetti and some glittery dress-up outfits from the thrift store.

Safety First.  Even if you don’t struggle with substance abuse, but you know you will be drinking on NYE, aim for moderation and be sure that you have a safe travel plan in place.  Either stay-the-night at your host’s house or arrange for a trustworthy designated driver. You can also look into public services in your city that offer free rides home on NYE.  If you’re in the Baltimore area you can call  877-963-Taxi to take advantage of the Tipsy? Taxi!

#DitchingDieting  Be prepared to be bombarded with new year’s resolutions and people’s new diet plans in the weeks that follow.  In an attempt to balance those triggering and unhealthy messages, set up a system in advance to expose yourself to more accurate information about dieting and engage in a body-positive community.  If you’re on Twitter, follow the hash tag #DitchingDieting, and learn more about the toxic diet culture in this post, Dare to Resolve to Ditch Dieting  from Adios Barbie. 

As the year comes to a close, remember that your recovery, your happiness  and your well-being is worth more than a few hours of partying on New Year’s Eve.  Try something new this year by allowing yourself the time and space to celebrate in a way that is safe and supportive of your emotional growth and your current stage of recovery.  Strive to be mindful and present as you welcome in a year of gratitude, positivity, strength and confidence.

Happy New Year from The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt!   

 

 

 
Published by Kate Clemmer
December 30th, 2011 in Body Image, Diets, Holidays, Recovery, Support
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Surviving & Thriving through Mid-Terms & Finals

This is the final post in our 8-part Blog Series  for college students.

It seems like many colleges and universities have moved away from the standard exam schedule. In fact, it can seem like you are constantly studying for exams or writing papers, with no downtime or lull in the semester at all. Midterms and finals just mean a heightened level of existing anxiety or stress. Unfortunately, for many college students, that means there comes a point in the semester when it seems like there are way too many obligations and way too little time to manage them all.  If you are simultaneously working on recovery from an eating disorder this can be incredibly frustrating, particularly if everything seems to be equally important on your to-do list. While it can be easy to lose sight of how critical your recovery is in the midst of these academic priorities, its crucial to remember the potential consequences.  Turning to your eating disorder behaviors will only intensify the stress you’re body is under, making it mentally and physically harder to concentrate, harder to interact and connect with other people (i.e. study groups, roommates, support people) and much harder to accomplish that long list of study tasks.

Self-care, nourishing your body, following treatment recommendations and practicing your new healthy coping skills is what will eventually get you through the stress of mid-term or final exams.  While the hectic nature of college academics can’t be completely avoided, we can offer some tips to help make it feel more manageable and less likely to derail your progress in recovery.

Prioritize: Make a list of all of your upcoming responsibilities. Pull out the larger projects and see if you can break these down into smaller, more achievable tasks. For example, break down “10 page research paper” into: print articles; read articles; write an outline; write the rough draft; write the bibliography; and revise the paper. Write deadlines next to each item on your list and then organize your to-do list by due-date or high priority items. Don’t forget to breathe.

Eliminate unnecessary responsibilities: Do you really have to do everything on your list? You might have some things on there that are optional projects, or possibly some student organization meetings that are not imperative for you to attend. Perhaps you can ask for less hours at work during exam weeks. Remember that you can also always talk to your professor; if you have 3 exams scheduled on one day, one of your professors may actually be willing to allow you to take the exam for their class on a different day. If you just can’t adjust your schedule, know that this stress is temporary. Focus on the end point and plan a reward for yourself after big assignments are turned in.

Don’t give up on the basics: As tempting as it may be, you still need to prioritize sleeping, eating and self-care. In fact, it is even more important that you take care of yourself during this stressful time. Always strive to get as close to 8 hours of sleep each night as possible, remembering that lack of sleep can have a significant effect on hunger and eating patterns.  Make sure you are scheduling times to eat your meals and snacks and that you are thinking ahead. If you know you won’t have time to go back to your room for a meal, remember to pack your food with you or bring money to eat while you are out. 

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”   

~Sydney Harris

Relaxation is vital. Take some time every day to take a deep breath and be still. Enjoy what the season has to offer.  Consider setting aside 30 minutes or an hour during your busy time to catch up with a friend or roommate – no multi-tasking or studying allowed during that time.

Keep your appointments: When things get hectic, it may be tempting to cancel your therapy or nutrition appointments so that you can spend more time studying.  This often makes sense in a moment of panic or stress but can easily lead towards losing sight of  recovery’s importance.   Cancelling appointments during high stress or high pressure times can be a risk  factor for relapse.  Consider a rock climber choosing to take off her safety harness right when she gets to the highest and steepest part of the cliff.  You’d probably question that decision right?  The same applies to your “safety harness” and your support system during difficult times.  If you are struggling to get to your appointments, speak to your therapist about this and decide together what is the best way to balance your responsibilities with your recovery in mind.

Reach Out:  Recovery can feel like a full-time job sometimes, and college is a full-time job for many students.  You may be realizing that you are struggling so much with both that you just can’t focus on your academics the way that you want to. You may have missed a number of classes, gotten behind in lectures or just feel too overwhelmed to truly focus. Don’t be afraid to talk with your professor and see if there is any way that you can catch up, delay some deadlines, or work with a tutor to help you in that class.  You don’t have to go through this on your own.  Ask for help and explore your options for support on campus. If you think you need to withdraw from a class and have missed the Drop/Add deadline, or if you are thinking about taking a medical leave of absence, schedule an appointment with the Dean of Students, an Academic Advisor, or someone at the Counseling Center – that is what they are there for!  

While academics and exam stress can be overwhelming, just remember that you have options regarding how you handle that stress and how you let it affect you. You have already accomplished so much this semester.  Reflect on what has been working well so far and praise yourself for a job well done. If there are things that have been a struggle, now is a good time to evaluate what aspects of your self-care and stress tolerance could be improved.  Try  coming up with a reasonable plan to put into action for the rest of the semester and continue reflecting on it to see what is working and what isn’t. If you are stumped as to how to do this, reach out to others for support and additional ideas.

CED wishes you a memorable semester of academic success, balance and self-care.  For more insight on the intersection between college and eating disorder recovery, check out our whole blog series at: Battling Body Image Concerns & Disordered Eating on Campus .  

If you are struggling with an eating disorder and need help or support, please call The Center for Eating Disorders at (410) 938-5252.  You can also reach us by email at EatingDisorderInfo@sheppardpratt.org .

 

Written by Jennifer Moran, PsyD, CED Therapist & College Liaison

Published by Kate Clemmer
November 11th, 2011 in At-Risk Populations, Celebrity Topical News, College Students, Recovery, Support
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Mindful Eating on Campus ~ Part 1

This is the 5th post in our 8-part blog series  about eating disorders on campus.

Nothing is more stressful for a student who is in recovery from their eating disorder than trying to negotiate eating on campus. College living is full of obstacles to eating consistently and mindfully: buffets in the dining halls; eating between classes and on the go; staying up until 4 AM; social events involving food; and limited access to the grocery Mindful Eating 101store or a working kitchen. While many students in treatment are given guidelines as to how to eat in a healthy manner, it is often difficult to implement those strategies in a campus setting but it is possible.  A great resource for this task is the book, Mindful Eating 101: A Guide to Healthy Eating in College and Beyond by Dr. Susan Albers which we will reference throughout this post.

Mindfulness is an old concept that has, more recently become somewhat of a cultural catch phrase. Standing at a coffee shop bulletin board, you may notice advertisements for mindful meditation classes or yoga classes that promise skill development in the art of mindfulness or even magazine covers that stress the importance of mindful living. So, what is mindfulness?  Mindfulness refers to the ability to bring one’s awareness completely to the present moment. In contrast, mindlessness, refers to behaving or doing things without much attention.

Consider that you are eating dinner in your dorm in front of the TV during your favorite night of television. As you laugh along with the show and get intrigued by products during the commercials, you occasionally pick up your phone and make plans for the evening and attempt to skim a chapter in your text book for tomorrow’s quiz.  All the while, you also continue to go through the motions of eating your dinner…mindlessly. In this situation, your attention is likely focused on the characters and themes in the TV show and not on your food or your body’s response to the food.  When this happens, it is common for people to eat more than they normally would because they aren’t really enjoying their food, and they aren’t in touch with the mechanisms in the body that tell us when we want to stop eating. In contrast, when you choose a meal from the dining hall and sit at a table to enjoy it with a friend but without other distractions, you may find that you eat more slowly, you savor the tastes of the food, and you have an increased awareness of your hunger/satiety cues, which allow you to stop when you feel full. This style of eating would be considered mindful eating.

Individuals who’ve struggled with an eating disorder or have chronically dieted often lose touch with their body’s natural ability to regulate food and eating processes.  Sometimes they may need help establishing normal eating patterns again and re-connecting to their bodies.  In eating disorder treatment, mindfulness is a concept that is used frequently in helping people to develop awareness of their thoughts, emotions, patterns, triggers, and hunger/fullness cues.

Eating mindfully is an important skill because it allows you to eat exactly what your body wants in just the right amounts. Restricting your food intake or dieting is not mindful because it denies your body of the food that it needs for fuel and nourishment.  Bingeing is also not mindful eating because it exceeds the amount of food that your body wants or needs and may cause you to feel uncomfortably full or even pained.  Mindfulness involves trusting your body to maintain a balance.  Learning to eat mindfully can take time, so be gentle with yourself as you practice the steps that will allow you to eat intuitively in response to your own body’s needs.

Dr. Albers outlines the seven habits of mindful eaters in her book.  These habits are the key components of learning to eat mindfully.

  1. Awareness: Use your senses to gather information about the world. By using sight, sound, hearing, touch and taste, you can become attuned to what is going on around you at any moment. Turning this inward, you can better recognize your hunger, fullness and thirst cues to help guide your eating choices.
  2. Observation: Simply notice your thoughts and feelings as an impartial observer. The key is to do this without judgment. For example, if you have the thought “I am fat,” simply notice that it is there, label it as a negative thought, and move on.
  3. Shifting out of autopilot: Some of our routines become so mundane that it is difficult to pay close attention to the details. These routines sometimes enable mindless eating or skipping meals completely, and so you may want to change the routine or bring awareness to it in order to be more mindful. Try waking up a few minutes earlier to fit in breakfast or consider meeting a classmate someplace for lunch that you’ve never been before.
  4. Finding the gray area: Black and White thinking refers to thinking in extremes. Food is good or bad. Someone is fat or skinny. Clearly, life is not that simple. To be mindful, one must be flexible and avoid operating in extremes. An example of this is someone who is on a diet that forbids bread; even if a person wants bread they will deprive themselves of it because of the diet. Sometimes, this deprivation can lead to the person bingeing on bread. In contrast, a mindful eater would recognize the particular craving and allow herself to have an appropriate serving of bread at the time when she wants it.
  5. Be in the moment:  As a college student, you may find yourself frequently eating in class, while cramming for a test, or even while walking or driving across campus. Multi-tasking like this is not considered mindful because you cannot use your senses to enjoy the food or to stay aware of your hunger and fullness cues. Ideally, a mindful eater would sit with their meal on a plate at a table and devote their full attention to eating. However, this is not always a realistic goal for a college student.  Try making small changes that help you stay present during meals, such as always sitting down to eat and turning off your phone to remind yourself to stop texting and posting on Facebook until you finish your lunch.
  6. Non judgmental: Notice judgmental thoughts and proceed with compassion instead of criticism. Often at the campus dining halls, various stations offer different types and categories of food. If you notice yourself judging a particular food station ( “I can’t order from that section, everything is full of fat.”) notice the criticism attached to the food and label it (“there I go thinking of foods in good and bad categories again.”) Practice compassion and focus on truthful statements (“this food may have fat in it, but I need some fat to help me protect my organs”).  Try to incorporate different foods from each of the various food stations at the dining hall throughout the course of the week.
  7. Acceptance: Accept things for how they are as opposed to how you think they should be. Dr. Albers gives a great example in her book of accepting your shoe size, even if you wish it were different, because there really is nothing that you can do about it. As much as you may wish to have smaller or larger feet, eventually you must let go and accept that your feet are the size that they are.

If you’ve struggled with disordered eating, it may be easier to practice mindfulness at first with something that is not related to food. Try this simple exercise to practice the aforementioned skills. Close your eyes and simply count how many sounds you can hear in the room. When you think you have counted the sounds in the room, push yourself to try to hear beyond the room. Can you hear sounds from outside? In the hallway? What about the sounds closest to you…can you hear your own breathing? The sounds that you hear are happening in the here and now; congratulations…you have been successful at being mindful of the present moment! Now you might want to try doing a similar exercise with your food, using your senses to guide your eating.

Stay tuned for “Part 2″ about Mindful Eating on Campus with some more helpful hints. You can also see all of the previous posts in this blog series at, Battling Body Image Concerns and Disordered Eating on Campus.

For more information about Dr. Albers and her Mindful Eating series, visit her website at www.mindfuleatingcafe.com.

Written by Jennifer Moran, PsyD, College Liaison at The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt

Published by Kate Clemmer
October 11th, 2011 in At-Risk Populations, Books, College Students, Diets, Nutrition, Recovery, Support, intuitive eating
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“What if I hate being recovered?”…and other fears that get in the way of eating disorder recovery.

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing. ~anonymous

Fear is a powerful emotion.   At it’s best, fear can serve to alert and protect us from legitimate danger.  At it’s worst, fear is debilitating and it can prevent us from taking any action at all, especially in the direction of our goals.  When individuals with eating disorders (EDs) are faced with the possibility of  recovery,  fear can quickly become a primary motivation to maintain the status quo of symptoms and the illness.  Often the fears are so strong and so many, that there’s a feeling of being paralyzed in a place of chaos and discontent.

To want to recover but to simultaneously be afraid of recovery is a common sentiment.   Many people fear the physical changes of recovery…what will my body look like if I recover?… How will it change?… Can I tolerate the physical discomfort? And while these are often the fears most verbally expressed, many of the most paralyzing fears occupy more significant arenas… Who am I without the ED?… What will happen to my relationships if I recover?… What if I can’t recover? When author and recovery advocate, Johanna Kandel visited The Center for Eating Disorders she touched on the topic of fear in her talk and found the answers to these questions on her own journey to recovery…

http://eatingdisorder.org/video/kandel5.flv “What happens if I do this thing called recovery and it’s not worth it?…What if I hate being recovered?” The work of recovery is hard – that’s no secret – but when it comes down to it, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has recovered from an ED and wishes they hadn’t.  Its much easier to find people who wish they had sought help earlier and yearn to make up for time they spent in the grips of the ED.

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” ~ Marilyn Ferguson

It can be hard to push through the fear of the unknown and the uncertainty of what recovery will look like, but you can’t get past a fear you don’t acknowledge.  Tune into your fears, become aware of what they are, and then you can begin to address them one-by-one.   Talk about them out loud with a friend or loved one.  Write them down in a journal or share them anonymously on our discussion board.  Find a support group where you can listen to other people process similar fears about recovery from an ED.  Most importantly, don’t let fear keep you from becoming the best and most authentic version of yourself.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ~Marianne Williamson

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This was the fourth of several recovery blogs inspired by the February 2011 presentation by Johanna Kandel at The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt. Follow CED on  Facebook to stay tuned as we continue to post additional recovery-focused blogs and video clips.  Johanna shares more about her own recovery journey in her highly influential book, Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder,  and continues to support others through her role as the Executive Director of The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness, a non-profit organization based in Florida. You can learn more about Johanna and her incredible book in these previous blogs as well:

Published by Kate Clemmer
May 16th, 2011 in Books, Emotions & Coping, Fear, Recovery, Support, Video Clips
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Eating Disorders and the “All-or-Nothing” Trap

There are several types of cognitive distortions frequently experienced by individuals who struggle with eating disorders. These negative thought patterns are often longstanding and can play an integral role in maintaining depressive thoughts, anxiety, low self-esteem and reliance on eating disorder symptoms.  One of the primary cognitive distortions identified by individuals who struggle with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder is often referred to as “all-or-nothing” thinking.  Also called “black-and-white” thinking, this thought pattern is akin to the belief that “If I can’t do it perfectly, I might as well not do it at all.”

In the same way that all-or-nothing thoughts can perpetuate harmful eating disorder behaviors (ex: periods of severe restricting followed by frequent binging) , they can also sabotage efforts at recovery.  In this clip, recovery advocate Johanna Kandel talks about how all-or-nothing thoughts crept into her nutrition appointment…

http://eatingdisorder.org/video/kandel3.flvMany individuals can probably relate to this experience in therapy where it becomes difficult/impossible to recover perfectly and immediately.  Setting insurmountable goals (i.e. perfection) makes it really easy to feel like you failed even when, by all other accounts, you are actually making progress.  This often leads to  someone feeling completely defeated and makes it easy to do a u-turn back towards the symptoms, isolation and secrecy that allow the eating disorder to spiral out of control.

For others, all-or-nothing thoughts may be an initial barrier to seeking treatment.  Its not unusual for individuals to hold off on making that first appointment until they are absolutely, positively, completely 100% ready to get well. Sound familiar?  As Johanna discusses in this clip, very few people are ever really going to be 100% ready for recovery but the good news is that you don’t have to be…

http://eatingdisorder.org/video/kandel4.flvIdentifying all-or-nothing thoughts that are impacting you and your recovery is an important step towards change.  Once you identify the cognitive distortions, you can begin to challenge them during therapy sessions, thought logs, journaling, and reality-testing.  If you aren’t sure where to start you can use the simple questions listed in this previous post to test validity of any suspected all-or-nothing thoughts. When you start exploring your negative thoughts you might be surprised at how many of them simply don’t stand up to the test.  Once you free yourself to think outside of the automatic negative thoughts you will learn, as Johanna did, that you are not an exception;  you CAN recover and you DESERVE to get better.

How did you overcome all-or-nothing thinking?  What role did it play in your eating disorder?  Join the discussion on CED’s Facebook page or leave a comment below.

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This was the third of several recovery blogs inspired by the February 2011 presentation by Johanna Kandel at The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt. Follow CED on  Facebook to stay tuned as we continue to post additional recovery-focused blogs and video clips.  Johanna shares more about her own recovery journey in her highly influential book, Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder,  and continues to support others through her role as the Executive Director of The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness, a non-profit organization based in Florida. You can learn more about Johanna and her incredible book in these previous blogs as well:

Published by Kate Clemmer
May 4th, 2011 in All-or-Nothing, At-Risk Populations, Celebrity Topical News, Cognitive Distortions, Glossary Definitions, Perfectionism, Recovery, Support, Video Clips
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You Are So Much More Than Your Eating Disorder

Anyone who has been through the eating disorder recovery process will tell you it is not easy.  Eating Disorders (EDs) are complex bio-psycho-social illnesses and, as such, the treatment and recovery process can often be more difficult than anticipated.  It’s not uncommon for struggling individuals (and their support people) to hold on to a wish that removing one specific trigger will offer a quick fix or a shortcut to recovery.  Unfortunately, there is no magic wand for ED recovery.  Changes to daily routines, altering hobbies or taking time off from triggering activities are sometimes part of the recovery process but these things must be accompanied by additional hard work, specialized therapy and a deeper understanding of oneself and the role that the ED plays in ones life.

When author and recovery advocate Johanna S. Kandel was speaking here at CED in February 2011, she talked about this struggle as it related to her own ballet career and her identity as a dancer.  Now recovered after 10 years of struggling with periods of anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder, Johanna remembers thinking that removing ballet from her life would also remove the ED.

http://eatingdisorder.org/video/kandel2.flv

In the clip, Johanna shares so bravely about a story which so many others can relate to – being in a very scary place for a long time, feeling like there isn’t much to cling to other than the ED.  The longer one identifies solely with their ED, the harder it can be to envision oneself without it.  Fortunately, while there is no magic wand, there are skilled treatment professionals, evidence-based therapies, ongoing support groups and various treatment options for those who are struggling with all types of eating disorders.  It is never too late to hope.  It is never too late to seek treatment and to begin the journey to recovery.

Do you find yourself hoping one change will erase the ED from your life?  Does it prevent or delay you from seeking meaningful help?  If you find yourself feeling like your eating disorder is your only identify, try this exercise:  Draw a picture of a sun with many different rays of light coming out.  On each ray, write down an important role that you play in life or important elements of who you are.  For example:

Daughter, College Student, Nanny/Babysitter, aspiring Writer, Employee, Colleague, Tutor, Sister…

OR…

Brother, Friend, Fiance, Son, Employee, Hospital Volunteer, Uncle, Artist, Band Member, Pet Owner…

Early on in recovery, the eating disorder may have an important place around your sun as well.  As Johanna mentioned in the clip, it can often feel like the ED becomes your only identity.  Reminding yourself that you are so much more than your ED can help to make it a little bit easier to loosen your grip on the ED.   Gradually, through treatment, the ED becomes a less important part of who you are, and you can spend more time focusing on the true rays of light in your life.

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This was the second of several recovery blogs inspired by the February 2011 presentation by Johanna Kandel at The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt. Follow CED on  Facebook to stay tuned as we continue to post additional recovery-focused blogs and video clips .  Johanna shares more about her own recovery journey in her highly influential book, Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder,  and continues to support others through her role as the Executive Director of The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness, a non-profit organization based in Florida. You can learn more about Johanna and her incredible book in these previous blogs as well:


Published by Kate Clemmer
April 20th, 2011 in At-Risk Populations, Books, CED Events, Editor's Picks, NEDAWeek, Recovery, Support, Video Clips
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“There is Hope” for Eating Disorder Recovery

Today, April 12th,  the Eating Disorder Coalition (EDC) will lead of group of advocates to Capitol Hill to help lobby in support of The Federal Response to Eliminate Eating Disorders (FREED) Act, which is the first legislation to comprehensively promote research, treatment, education, and prevention programs for eating disorders.  It’s an important day of advocacy and one that can be very empowering for recovered individuals, supportive families and treatment providers who attend and use their experiences and their voices to share knowledge, stimulate change and spread hope.

One of our most recent guest speakers, Johanna S. Kandel, Executive Director of The Alliance for Eating Disorder Awareness,  will be on the Hill today using her voice too.  Johanna is the author of Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder, a moving book about her own recovery and a must-read for anyone who has ever been touched by an eating disorder.  When Johanna was at The Center for Eating Disorders in February 2011 to help us celebrate National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, she spoke with passion and honesty to a packed auditorium about the importance of spreading hope, using your voice and making a difference.

Click here to WATCH a VIDEO CLIP of Johanna Kandel speaking about using your voice to spread the message of HOPE and RECOVERY.   (from her February 20, 2011 presentation in Baltimore, MD)

Even if you can’t be at the EDC’s Lobby Day today there is still a lot you can do.  Get some ideas from Johanna’s clip above or visit the EDC’s “Take Action” page to find out how you can contact your legislators and ask them to support the FREED Act. You can also make a difference by sharing recovery-focused feedback on message boards like CED’s Online Forum where individuals can post anonymously and ask for support along the road to recovery.

What creative ways do you use your voice to spread hope and let others know that recovery is possible?  Leave your comments below or chime in on our Facebook Page.

Published by Kate Clemmer
April 12th, 2011 in CED Events, Celebrity Topical News, In the News, Lobby Days, Recovery, Video Clips, advocacy
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Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder: Q&A with Johanna S. Kandel ~ Part 2

Today we feature a continuation of  a two-part interview with Johanna Kandel, author of Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder and upcoming keynote speaker for The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt’s NEDAWeek kick-off event. Check out Part 1 to read Johanna’s thoughts on the role of control, humor and fear in the process of recovery.  In part 2, below, Johanna discusses her top 3 recovery tools and what she hopes people will learn from attending her presentation in Baltimore on February 20th, 2011.  You can find out more about this free event here.

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Q&A with Johanna S. Kandel ~ Part 2

Q: In your book you talk about not knowing who you were during the height of your illness and that you felt like you had become your eating disorder.  How did you re-discover yourself and did you encounter any surprises along the way?

JK: One of the biggest fears I had when approaching recovery was not knowing who I was or what I liked.  I truly believed that recovery meant knowing everything about me at that moment.  My therapist assured me that no one was expecting me to know all the answers to the all important questions right away.  No one was expecting me to write an epic-autobiography about all of my likes and dislikes the moment I began the recovery process.  Life, like recovery, is a journey and you may find that what you like today may not be what like you two weeks or two months from now. The biggest surprise that I encountered was that I actually started having a good time exploring all the things I gave myself permission to try.  Nothing is written in stone, so give yourself permission to explore and try something new.  You never know, you might just like it!

Q: What would you say were the top 3 most important things in your recovery toolbox?

JK: Filling my tool box with as many tools as I could was integral to my recovery.  Some of my most favorite that I used on my journey were:

~ Ignorant Stamp to help me to ‘stamp out the ignorance’ and not let people’s comments fuel my negative voice.

~ The Dresser with Seven Drawers which allows me to take a look at the ultimate best outcome (top drawer), the ultimate worst (bottom drawer) and then come up with a middle ‘okay’ drawer/outcome.

~ The Box of Crayons – Just as in a box of crayons there are so many colors other than just black and white.  As someone who lived in only the black or white (all or nothing), learning to embrace all the colors in the crayon box of life was so important.

Q: What do you hope people take away from your presentation in Baltimore on February 20th?  Who could benefit from attending?

JK: My biggest wish is that people take away the message that there truly is life beyond eating disorders.  People can and do recover.  There is help, there is hope, and there is healing.  I battled for so many years alone and afraid.  I didn’t believe that I would/could get better.  I didn’t think it was an option.  Turns out, it absolutely was and can be for anyone that is struggling too.  If you or someone you know is battling and/or recovering, I hope you will be able to join me on Sunday, February 20 at the Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt.  I am so incredibly honored to be part of their Eating Disorders Awareness Week events and really look forward to seeing you there!

In good health,

Johanna

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We would like to extend our sincere gratitude to Johanna Kandel for taking the time to provide such hopeful and insightful responses for this blog.  We are very much looking forward to her Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder presentation in Baltimore on February 20th, and we hope you can join us.  Download the event flyer (pdf) and remember to pre-register as space is limited, and seats are filling up quickly!

More Upcoming NEDAWeek Events at The Center for Eating Disorders:

  • ‘Love Your Tree‘ Community Art Exhibit and Reception on February 22, 2011 at 6:30pm
  • Free Eating Disorder Screenings ~ February 21-25, 2011

Visit our Events page or call (410) 427-3886 for more info on any of the upcoming events.

Published by Kate Clemmer
February 4th, 2011 in Books, CED Events, Celebrity Topical News, NEDAWeek, Q & A, Recovery, Support
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Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder: Q&A with Johanna S. Kandel

Each year in February, The Center for Eating Disorders at Sheppard Pratt kicks-off National Eating Disorder Awareness Week  with a special event designed to shed light on the serious nature of eating disorders.  This year, we are excited to host Johanna Kandel who will present a free talk for the community entitled “Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder” on Sunday February 20th, 2011.  Johanna is an author and the Executive Director of The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness. She will not only be helping to spread awareness and education about eating disorders but she will share her own inspiring story of recovery and hope.   In advance of her arrival in Baltimore, we asked Johanna to provide us with a glimpse into her experience with the recovery process. Read her responses below and visit our Events page to RSVP for her talk in Baltimore on February 20th.

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Q & A with JOHANNA S. KANDEL ~ Part 1

Q: In the preface to your book you quote a philosopher who said “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  Why is this an important message for individuals who are struggling and what was your first step towards recovery?

JK: Recovery from an eating disorder is definitely a journey that happens one step at a time.  It doesn’t happen overnight and it is not perfect.  When I became so sick and tired of being sick and tired, and when the pain of living with my eating disorder exceeded my fear of recovering, I knew that it was time to do whatever it took to start the process of recovery.  The first step I took was reaching out to my parents and asking them for what I needed most of all: help.  However, the idea of changing everything right away was way too scary. I had to remember to take it one moment at a time.  And if I tripped along the way, I had to pick myself up, dust myself up, and keep on stepping.

Q: Was there a time during your illness that you knew something was wrong but you convinced yourself that you had everything under control?  If so, how did you eventually break free from that thought process?

JK: Ah, control…the famous word!  I have to say that when it came to control, my eating disorder pulled a ‘bait and switch’ on me.  At first it lured me in with its promises of feeling like I had ultimate control, but very quickly I realized that the eating disorder was the one in control (while garnering a path of self-destruction).  For so many years, my negative voice was the only thing I heard.  My healthy voice was only a distant whisper and seemed liked a complete stranger.  Learning how to first press the “pause” button and then the ‘stop’ button {when the negative thoughts were taking over my thought process} is what allowed me to ultimately break free.

Q: There are several very meaningful yet funny parts in your book – the body armor incident to name just one – did humor play a role in your recovery?

JK: Absolutely!  Surprisingly to me, I found myself laughing quite a bit throughout my journey.  After not laughing at all during my battle with the eating disorder, it was strange at first, but then I began to embrace it.  I learned to how to use laughter as another tool in my recovery toolbox. It was so interesting to see just how many times laughter got me through potentially triggering situations and became an ally.

Q: What were your greatest fears about recovery and moving beyond your eating disorder?

JK: I had so many fears about recovering from my eating disorder.  In fact, it was the fear that stood in the way of my recovery for so long.  It was my security blanket and I didn’t know how to cope or live without it.  I was afraid to live without my eating disorder because I didn’t know who I was without it.  I was afraid of dealing with my emotions, I was scared of feeling, and I was petrified of using my voice. I was also so incredibly scared that recovery (and all the hard work it would entail) would not be worth it.  As I began to walk through my fears and take very small risks, I realized that I could live without my eating disorder and that I was so much more than just that.  I started feeling again and it was (although scary at first) so incredibly wonderful.  I learned that I had a voice that deserved to be heard and I became pretty comfortable using it.  And finally, I can say with 100% conviction that recovery was without a doubt the best thing I ever did.


…Part 2 of the interview with Johanna Kandel is now up!  Click HERE to read about her top 3 recovery tools and how she re-discovered herself without the eating disorder.  Can you relate to Johanna’s experience above?  What parts of Johanna’s message have played an important role in your journey to recovery?  Please leave a comment below or join the discussion on our facebook page.

Download the Event Flyer:   Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder ~ JKandel 2.20.11 event (pdf)

Johanna’s book, Life Beyond Your Eating Disorder is available for purchase at Barnes & Noble.com

Published by Kate Clemmer
February 3rd, 2011 in CED Events, Celebrity Topical News, NEDAWeek, Q & A, Recovery, Support
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