On Sunday we posted Part I of our interview with best-selling author, Rosalind Wiseman, an expert in teaching parents, educators and other adults how to effectively guide youth through the social challenges of Girl World and Boy World. Today’s post includes Part II of our Q & A which ventures into the effects of parents’ own body image issues, adolescent “beauty pageants”, and the role of teachers in developing kids’ body image. Read on to find out what Rosalind has to say about these important topics, then join us in Baltimore on February 21st for her keynote presentation, “Positive Parenting for a Healthy Self Image: Helping Children Develop Social Competence and Body Confidence in Girl World and Boy World.

In your book, Queen Bees & Wannabes you write, “Adolescence is a beauty pageant. Even if your daughter doesn’t want to be a contestant, others will look at her as if she is”. How can we teach our girls to socialize effectively without engaging in that competition?
All of us, but particularly adolescents, tend to focus on what other people think about them, and pleasing and conforming to what other people want. So there are three things I think are key to helping your child successfully disengage from the competition. The first is having an adult in addition to your parent whom you feel comfortable going to with problems. Second is having one friend who really has your back and whose loyalty means they will confront you respectfully when they’re worried about you or see you behaving in destructive ways. And third is having one competency (a sport, a skill, etc.) that allows you to feel good about yourself apart from how you look – it’s a reminder that you are more than your appearance.
How can a parent help their child develop social competence and body confidence if they are still struggling with their own body image and self-esteem issues?
When your child is faced with a problem in any capacity having to do with body image, you’re on a road together to support the child. A parent’s sacred responsibility is to ask themselves difficult questions about themselves and their own behavior. That means examining your beliefs about how your self worth is determined by your body image, and the messages that you’ve imparted about that to your child. This is important not only for a parent who has eating issues or is struggling with their weight, but also the parents who in the things they say, even if they mean well, may come across as really degrading. So, saying things like, “Do you really want to eat that?” or, “If you lose 10 pounds, I’ll give you X reward.”
And if you as a parent have or are struggling with these issues, one of the most important, profound things you can do is to admit the challenges you’ve had and how that impacts the way that you speak to them. You need to ask your child, “Do I say things that annoy you about the way you eat or how you look? How do you feel when I say those things? What’s a better way for me to talk to you about this?”
And if your child sees you doing anything – small concrete things – that reflect your thoughtfulness about this and your commitment to helping them and helping yourself, that is profoundly meaningful to them. You’re taking the risk to change, and that is one of the most important things for your child to be able to see because it’s going to be so much easier for them to take that leap themselves.
What role do teachers, school staff and other professionals play in “girl world & boy world”? As non-family members, can they make a difference (for better or worse) in a child’s long-term self-esteem or body image?
Of course teachers and other adults in kids’ lives can, for better or worse, have an effect on a child’s self-esteem. A helpful adult can pierce the notion that it’s normal to feel self-loathing and that you’re nothing unless you look a certain way. It may be common, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. Secondly, the same as with parents, you allow students to have conversations that make you uncomfortable, and don’t answer them with cliché statements like “everyone’s beautiful in their own way.”
Educators must not allow children to ever tease others about their looks or make comments themselves about a student’s appearance. Even if the teacher or professional doesn’t have the expertise to help a child who’s suffering from a problem with body image or eating disorders, the relationship they have with the child serves as a bridge to encourage them to take the enormous risk of asking for help.
Many thanks to Rosalind Wiseman for taking the time to provide such insightful and thorough responses to our questions! If you are interested in attending her presentation on February 21st at The Conference Center at Sheppard Pratt, please RSVP by calling (410) 938-3157 or email rsvp@sheppardpratt.org. Admission is FREE but seats are limited so reserve your’s today!
Visit our Events page for a listing of additional free community events hosted by The Center for Eating Disorders in recognition of the upcoming, National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (February 21-27).
Did you miss Part I of the Q & A blog with Rosalind Wiseman yesterday? Read it here .











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